


Denial

by CharcoalHeart



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a sad ending, Deep Throating, Did I Mention Angst?, It's going to be very frustrating, M/M, Mutually Unrequited, Oral Sex, Sasuke's POV, So much angst, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-09
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-08-29 23:37:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8510029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharcoalHeart/pseuds/CharcoalHeart
Summary: I tried to tell myself that I wasn't interested in him and that he wasn't interested in me. But that denial from the both of us led to the early death of what could have been something more.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been on FF.net for a while now, and I'm only starting to load my works over here on AO3 so they can live in their full glory. I think I'll keep posting on FF for now, but AO3 has a lot of fancy-schmancy tools that FF horribly lacks.
> 
> No rewrites on this story-- just leaving in the goodie yaoi bits. Enjoy!

I saw him. In the midst of the sea of people, I saw him, with the light in his eyes extinguished but his head still held high. He was strong, but he was beginning to break.

He had been defeated. The look in his eyes told me he had recently gone through a rough breakup. But his posture, that sort of demeanor, it was all to please the public eye. No one wanted to see a grown man cry.

It was difficult to see such a man, with such pretty features, try so hard to keep from breaking down. I had half a mind to walk over to him and tell him everything was going to be all right.

But the other half of my mind, the rational part of my mind, was holding back. What was I hoping to expect, offering comforting words to a complete stranger? What was I hoping to accomplish?

I held back and watched him from a distance. He continued to push forward through the crowd, and I continued to follow him. It wasn’t until the crowd began to thin out that I started to slow my pace and kept a larger distance between us.

We ended up at the harbor, the pungent smell of seawater and fish invading my nose. I could hear the waves slapping against the dock, and it was a sort of soothing, almost rhythmical sound. It was still sunny out, and I squinted as the sun rays hit the water, spreading white light out on the crests and troughs of the waves further out from the harbor.

He stopped, and I stopped as well. I had accidentally closed the gap between us so that we were no more than a couple feet away from one another. He turned around, and my heart began to beat faster and harder.

“I know you’ve been following me for at least the past fifteen minutes,” he said with his head still held high.

I had been found out.

With a cool head, I stepped forward and extended a hand towards him. He took a step back himself, apprehensive of me, a random, tall, pale man who had followed him, a strong, blond, tan man to the harbor.

Honestly, I didn’t blame him for being suspicious of me.

“My name is Sasuke Uchiha,” I said as I continued to hold my hand out, “and yes, I have been following you. But my intentions are less than dangerous.”

The man gave me a look, stepped forward, and took my hand in his. He gave me a firm shake of the hand and released, letting his hand fall slowly down to his side.

“I’m Naruto Uzumaki,” he replied, then paused for a moment, “Why are you following me?”

Naruto Uzumaki.

The name itself, in its entirety, flowed through my mouth as easily as water would on a hot summer day.

Naruto Uzumaki.

I could get used to saying that name. I could get used to calling him like a familiar.

If only he would soften that harsh look on his face. I was tempted to reach out and smooth out the wrinkles between his eyebrows with my thumb. But again, I held back.

Who was this man? Who was this man, who so subtly attracted me to come to his aid?

“Like I said, I don’t have any bad intentions,” I said, “But I have a feeling that you need help of some sort.”

Naruto scoffed after a moment’s pause, “Help? You think I need help? Look, buddy, if you’re from some religious group, I don’t want any part of it. God can’t do anything to help me now.”

“I’m not soliciting.”

“Well, it seems like you are,” Naruto said as he suddenly went defensive.

“I’m not,” I said, my patience wearing a bit, “I spotted you in the crowd and you seemed...I don’t know. You seemed as if you needed someone to talk to.”

“So you think I’m some lonely sap.”

“No!” I said loudly, my patience suddenly broken, “No, stop assuming things. I just really thought -- I’m sure you loved her with all your heart.”

Naruto stopped. His body movements had completely halted; not even a single muscle moved on his body. He stared hard at me for a few moments, then stared out at the water.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Naruto snapped, his voice getting harsh, “How would you know? And why would you care? I’m just some fucking dipshit who has no future, and here you are, assuming shit like it’s your business.”

Naruto turned back towards me and his face had distorted into an ugly expression of anger and fear. He was scared. Scared of the fact that I had pinpointed his exact problem, it seemed.

“I’m only assuming because of your face,” I said as I finally began to explain myself, “your expression — I’ve seen it before. You’ve been hurt deeply by someone. I would know. I got hurt once, too.”

My voice, for some reason or another, had softened. I was determined to help this man out, with all my heart.

And I wasn’t even sure why.

On the other hand, Naruto didn’t seeem to appreciate my butting in. His facial expression changed; his eyes began to light up, and his lips thinned out a little.

“No, you wouldn’t even know how to understand what I’ve gone through!” Naruto yelled; I flinched at the harshness in his tone, “My life, my entire life, I’ve been constantly hurt by everyone I’ve trusted. And now, even the woman I loved, the woman who I thought I would be able to spend the rest of my life with, even she betrayed me. I can’t do it anymore.”

To my surprise, Naruto began to cry. Drop after drop, tears welled up at the corners of his eyes and spilled over, rolling down his cheeks in a messy waterfall. His voice remained choked in his throat as he sobbed. He sniffed multiple times, unable to keep his nose from running. He didn’t even bother to wipe his tears; he just continued to cry, and old tears were pushed out of the way by new tears as they streamed down his cheeks.

I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t expected such a reaction from this man. I could do nothing for him.

It was such a strong, raw emotion etched on his face; every single wrinkle brought to life all the hardships, all the anguish he had accumulated over his entire existence.

And I could do nothing for him except watch him cry.

After a good ten, uninterrupted minutes, Naruto began to slow the flow of tears. He wiped the remaining tears from his eyes with his sleeve, but more tears just sprang back up, decorating his blond eyelashes with drops like dew on leaves in the early morning. As he slowed his breathing, he began to hiccup and covered his mouth in embarrassment.

“Ah—” Naruto said as he hiccuped, “I’m – sorry. I’m – so sorry for – that. I don’t – know what got over — me.”

I didn’t know what I was feeling at that moment. After witnessing such a morose, such a beautifully melancholic, raw moment, I didn’t know whether to comfort him or join him in empathy.

Watching Naruto cry was like watching the world collapse before your eyes.

It was such a heart-wrenching ten minutes of my life; I didn’t know what to do or what to think.

All I knew was that I never wanted to see Naruto cry like that again.

“It’s all right,” I said as the corners of my lips lifted, “Would you like to come over for some coffee?”

oooOOooo

I never knew how I managed to convince Naruto to come up to my place.

But there he was, sitting on my couch, his toes rubbing the shag rug beneath his feet. I sat across from him on the loveseat, leaning towards one side on the armrest.

“So,” I said as I stared at Naruto, “are you all right?”

“I guess so,” he said with a sigh.

Naruto had long recovered from his hiccups and from the post-crying heaves. His eyes were just starting to puff from all the crying, however, which began to compromise his once-pretty face.

“You know,” Naruto said as he stared down at the shag rug, “I’m not sure what set me off today. I haven’t cried like that since...well, since I was a kid. But I’m really sorry you had to experience that. It must have been uncomfortable for you.”

I waved a hand, dismissing his apology. I sat up straight in my seat and clenched my hands in my lap.

“I pushed you to that point. So I’m sorry. It wasn’t right for me to butt into your business like that,” I said apologetically.

Naruto shook his head and said, “If anything, I should thank you for that. I haven’t had a good cry in years. I feel liberated from all the disappointments I experienced these last few years.”

With no words to say, I stared at the shag rug Naruto was playing with. We sat there in silence, each contemplating hard.

I got up when the coffee maker beeped, the aroma of roasted beans permeating the entire apartment. As I turned towards the cabinet for two mugs, Naruto surprised me by wrapping his arms around my torso from behind. He constricted me tightly, and I could only stand there awkwardly with my arms up, with my back towards him. I couldn’t even return the hug if I wanted to.

“It’s as if you were sent to save me, Sasuke.”

Oh, the way he said my name, the way he enunciated every syllable with equal importance. If only he knew how much faster and harder my heart began to beat.

“Naruto,” I said softly, “You can let go now.”

As he loosened his hold on me, I reached for the two mugs I initially wanted and set them down on the counter.

“Look, Naruto,” I said as I turned to lean on the counter and face him, “before we get any feelings mixed up, I’m not gay. Regardless of whether you are or not, I still want to be friends with you. Is that all right?”

Naruto cocked his head to one side in confusion. Then his lips cracked a small smile, which grew and grew until a big, happy, goofy smile adorned his tan face. He let out a hearty laugh, which surprised me.

“I’m not gay either, Sasuke. But yes, friends would be nice.”

I smiled, perhaps not as largely as Naruto, and proceeded to prepare the coffee for my friend.

I have a friend named Naruto Uzumaki.

oooOOooo

For the next few weeks, Naruto and I became fast friends; we went drinking together on weekends. Naruto would sometimes even crash on my couch if he overdid himself. Unluckily for me, that usually meant he spent quality time with the toilet bowl.

Despite all that, it was nice having someone to wake up to, even if that person usually looked like complete shit the next morning. Our weekend drinking became a habit of sorts, a routine to which Naruto and I stuck to. On most occasions, however, that meant me taking care of Naruto after his binges.

This weekend was no exception.

“I-I’m not drunk,” Naruto said as he toddled down the hall precariously.

I shook my head, letting the buzzed feeling overtake me for a moment or two before I unlocked the door to my apartment.

“Naruto, you realize that denial is the first indication of someone who’s drunk off his ass, don’t you? Look at you; you can’t even walk down the hall in a straight line,” I said, poking fun at the wasted blond.

When I opened the door, Naruto barely made it inside, never mind making it over to the couch on his own. I laughed stupidly at his drunken self, shaking my head as I sat on the loveseat across from him.

We sat there in stupid silence, mostly due to Naruto’s inability to form proper sentences. However, after a couple of minutes passed, Naruto began to sprout slurred sentences. I could barely make out what he was saying; he omitted various words and syllables, making it somewhat difficult to understand him.

“You’ve been such (a) good friend,” Naruto slurred, “I can(‘t) repay you. After (my) girlfriend left, I wanted to kill myself. But you save(d) me. Sas(uke), you save(d) me. That day, the day you follow(ed me). You save(d) me!”

Standing up, I replied more soberly than he, “Naruto, you’re drunk. Stop saying nonsensical things and get some rest. You look like shit.”

Naruto continued to speak, as if he hadn’t heard me at all, “I want(ed) to die, throw myself off (the) harbor then. But you! You save(d) me. I love you, Sas(uke). I love you.”

Well, I understood him then. For some reason, my throat tightened and I began to feel hot. If Naruto wasn’t so inebriated, he would definitely have noticed my reddening face and uneasy demeanor.

“It’s the alcohol speaking. You really need sleep, Naruto.”

As if determined to prove himself, Naruto stood up and said with much more conviction, “I love you! Sasuke!” before plopping back down on the couch. He blinked at me and said in a smaller voice, “I...love you.” He turned his head to the side and almost immediately knocked out. I could hear his breathing slow down.

Honestly, I had no words for Naruto’s outburst. He was drunk off his ass; of course he would do stupid shit like profess his love to me.

But at the same time, I pondered and thought about it; what if Naruto really did love me? Whether or not he did, I refused to believe such drunken statements unless they were soberly confirmed. And besides, as far as I knew, Naruto was not gay.

And Naruto was also very drunk. He obviously didn’t know what he was saying.

As my body calmed, the feeling of sleepiness got to me. The right amount of alcohol would do that to me. Without further afterthought, I retreated to my bedroom, changed, and fell asleep almost as easily as Naruto did.

oooOOooo

I randomly woke up in the middle of the night. Why that happened, I wasn’t quite sure. But I knew that I wasn’t getting back to sleep any time soon so I got out of bed, the cool post-winter air hitting my bare skin.

I walked out of my room towards the living room but paused when I heard rustling and heavy breathing. Apprehensively, I walked over to the couch and saw the most beautiful, most unholy scene unveil right before my eyes.

Naruto was jerking himself off. On my fucking couch.

He had shut his eyes tight, with his bottom lip at the mercy of his teeth as he bit hard. His blond hair shone, even in the small beams of moonlight that managed to seep past the window curtains. My heart began to beat faster and harder as I continued to look, as my eyes continued to survey the (clothed) tan body that took refuge on my couch for the night.

Naruto’s hand pumped his erect cock with such fervor. I was almost afraid that he would chafe his own skin from his enthusiasm. With his other hand, he played with his balls and fingered the seam, eliciting soft moans and heavy breaths. He looked as if he knew what he was doing, as if he had done this many times before. It was like watching a real professional do his job.

I didn’t know what to think. It was just so beautiful.

Naruto was so focused, so at ease with himself, that he didn’t seem to notice my being there. Before he could notice me, I slipped back into my room, shutting the door with a soft click.

I then realized that I was erect. I was fully erect. And hard.

Without wasting time, I pulled my shorts down, along with my boxers, in one smooth motion. I lied down on my bed, my bare ass feeling the cool fabric of my bedding. My hand immediately went for my cock, each finger wrapping itself and obtaining a firm grip on the shaft.

I was a voyeur. A fucking, dirty voyeur. I secretly watched Naruto jerk himself off, and that alone had aroused me.

What the fuck was it about Naruto that made him so attractive?

Why did I find him so attractive?

I had already begun pumping myself. The each stroke sent sparks to every nerve in my body. I arched my back upward from my bed slightly, torturing myself as the overwhelming feeling of ecstasy compromised my every thought.

“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath, “Fuck, Naruto--”

I began to fasten my pace, the rhythmic beats of my pumps imprinting themselves into my muscles.

I reimagined Naruto on the couch, with his shirt pushed up and his own hand on his cock, pumping himself in an almost hypnotic, rhythmic beat that matched my own. I imagined breathy moans escaping past his lips, as if he was liberating a little piece of his soul, a little piece of himself that would never reach Heaven.

I was driving myself crazy just thinking about him on my couch. I pumped harder, faster, until I felt myself falling outside the border of sanity.

Not willing to suppress myself any longer, I released all the pleasure, all the built-up tension that I was holding for the past few weeks. White and clear globs of semen landed on my torso, on my legs, on my bed, and even on the floor.

Still breathing hard, I cleaned myself up immediately, feeling the awkward post-ejaculation weakness rob me of any stability in my body as I moved through the room to grab the tissue box.

I lied back down on my bed and threw the covers over me. I didn’t even bother putting my pants back on.

For the next half hour my brain continued to buzz over what had just happened.

I just jerked off at the thought of Naruto.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I tried to tell myself that I wasn't interested in him and that he wasn't interested in me. But that denial from the both of us led to the early death of what could have been something more.

I felt slightly uncomfortable sitting next to Naruto on the couch, the both of us casually spooning cereal into our mouths.

But it wasn’t a bad sort of uncomfortable.  I just felt guilty for having seen such an intimate moment of Naruto’s the night before.

But here we were, having sugary breakfast cereal together, as if nothing had happened.  As if he had never, in his drunken stupor, confessed his love for me and his suicide attempt in one go.  As if I had never witnessed him masturbating.  And as if I had never masturbated at the thought of him masturbating.

But Naruto didn’t remember any of it.  And I knew everything.

“Hey Sasuke,” Naruto said through a bite of marshmallow pieces, “how about we go do something today?”

My heart skipped a beat, and a weird, twisting feeling curled in my stomach.

“Do something?  Are you asking me out on a date?” I asked half-jokingly.

Naruto turned red, attempting to keep the rest of the chewed-up marshmallow bits in his mouth.  He swallowed and then coughed a bit with his eyes glancing off to the side.

“A date?  With you?  You wish, Sasuke,” Naruto laughed, “No, nothing like that.  I was just thinking; you’ve let me crash on your couch how many times now?  I just think that you deserve something nice, since you’ve been such a good friend. It’ll be on me.”

I stared at Naruto for a moment.

“So you are asking me out.”

Naruto’s cheesy grin slid downwards, the corners of his lips weighing heavily towards the floor.  He put his cereal bowl on the coffee table and sighed.

“Sasuke, I thought we went over this already.  I’m not gay.”

Putting my bowl down as well, I stood up quickly and put my hands in my pockets and said, “I’m not either, remember?  I was just kidding.  But let’s grab lunch.  Cereal’s not cutting it for me.”

Naruto hopped off the couch and replied, “All right, let’s go.  But no love confessions or anything like that, okay?  I’m getting creeped out by your gay jokes.”

I walked towards the door and said with a low voice, “Makes me wonder sometimes.”

oooOOooo

We ended up having brunch at a dim sum restaurant downtown.  Naruto looked around the place, his eyes bright and wide, staring hungrily at the various dishes on the food cart that stopped nearby.  He pointed at multiple bamboo containers and licked his lips when they were placed on the table.

“Yes!” Naruto said triumphantly, as if he had won some epic battle, “Dim sum.  Sweet, delicious dim sum.  Ahhh.”

Naruto immediately poked at a shrimp dumpling with his chopsticks and opened his mouth wide before engulfing the little morsel.

The whole time, I not-so-subtly watched him eat that dumpling.

I wasn’t some sitophiliac.  I was not getting aroused by Naruto eating a fucking dumpling.

“Sasuke,” Naruto said through a full mouth, spitting out little pieces, “eat.  Before I have it all.”

He didn’t seem to notice my staring.  Feeling a bit relieved and a little foolish at my carelessness, I picked up my chopsticks and began to eat as well.

oooOOooo

The more time I spent with Naruto, the more I questioned my sexuality.  But then the more I questioned my sexuality, the more confused I became.

If I was gay, why hadn’t I shown any interest in men before Naruto came along?

Or was it that, because Naruto was so fucking irresistable, I turned gay for him?

I didn’t understand what was going on with my hormones; all I knew was that I was attracted to Naruto, female or not.  Every time I saw him during our weekend escapades, I would think back to the time he masturbated on my couch.  Since that time, I hadn’t caught him again.

But I was sure as hell persistent in trying to catch him.  Every night that he stayed over, I would wake up at some random time during the night, as if instinctively waking to catch prey, and tiptoe out into the hall, listening for any small sounds from the living room.

Every single fucking time I set my eyes on him, Naruto was dead asleep, his mouth opened wide in an unattractive manner.

As often as I checked on him, I just couldn’t catch him in the act again.  And I was frustrated out of my mind.

I wanted to see it live, instead of in my head.  I was tired of only fantasizing about a beautiful man doing dirty things, sinful things, to himself.  To me.  Every night I would lie in my bed, my entire being buzzing in the anticipation that the blond man on my couch would join me.

Naruto had led me astray from everything that I knew was stable, and had caused me to deviate so far from the norm that I didn’t know what to do with myself anymore.

I had to relieve myself of this madness, of this obsession that I had gleaned from the moment I laid eyes on Naruto.

And so here I was, awake in the middle of the night once more, looking over Naruto’s sleeping form on my couch.  I licked my lips in anticipation.

“Mm, Sasuke?”

My body froze.  Naruto’s wide, blue eyes were fixed on me.  My heart began beating quickly, and adrenaline rushed through my body in record time.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

Naruto blinked, and his eyelids fell a little.  He turned to his side, turning himself towards me and meeting my stare.

“Sasuke,” Naruto said as he sat up and rubbed his eyes, “what’re you still doing up?”

This was my chance, my chance to express to Naruto, to my friend, that I wanted him to become more than what we were.  It was a selfish idea; I hadn’t even attempted to read into Naruto, to see if he even wanted anything more between us.

He wasn’t gay, after all.

But I wasn’t either.  And that confused me.

“Ah, you see, Naruto--” my throat had suddenly gone dry.

I stood up and shook my head, as if in a drowsy, nearly unconscious state, and replied, “No, nothing.  Go back to sleep, Naruto.”

I shuffled back to my bedroom and closed the door, caring little that I had used too much force to push it closed.  Leaning against the door behind me, I sighed and ran my hand over my face.

I couldn’t do it in the end.  I was too cowardly.

Heaving a shaky breath, I made my way back over to my bed and pulled the covers over me as my body automatically curled into fetal position.

I just couldn’t bring myself to tell Naruto anything.

oooOOooo

“I had a weird dream last night,” Naruto said as he stared out the window, “I woke up and saw you sitting on the loveseat.  You just stared at me and walked away.  Weird, huh?”

I was lazily flipping through television channels as my head nodded in agreement.

“Your dreams don’t have to always make sense, so it’s okay if they’re weird occasionally,” I reassured him.

It was great; Naruto thought it was all a dream and I was able to walk away from that situation with my pride still intact.  Despite my obvious failure the night before, I still managed to slink away without a trace, with no mess to clean up afterwards.

“Yeah, I guess so.  It was just such a clear dream, though.  I could see every little detail of your face.”

“Maybe you’ve just been seeing my face too much.”

Naruto crinkled his face as he grinned, “Maybe you’re right.  I should start weaning myself, you know, to stop depending on you like that.  But I mean, you’re the only friend I’ve managed to keep for more than a couple months without some sort of fallout.”

Continuing to stare at the television, I replied, “I think it’s hard not to like you, Naruto.”

Out of my peripheral, I could see his curious face as I looked straight ahead.

“You think so?  I mean, maybe I just happen to be your type,” he said, still grinning.

I didn’t reply.  I couldn’t reply.  Not without giving away my feelings.  My thumb ceased to move, and I was stuck staring at the animal channel dumbly.

After a moment or two, I shut the television off and turned to Naruto.

“Hey, Naruto, can I ask you something?”

With his grin still plastered on his face, Naruto cocked his head to the side.  I took it as a cue to proceed.  Taking in a deep breath, I evened out my breathing and attempted to calm my heart a little.

“Naruto, you say you aren’t gay, right?”  He nodded.  “Right.  So, even though you’re not gay, do you ever feel any sort of...tendencies towards guys?  I mean, have you ever had a man crush?”

That was probably the most awkward question I had ever asked in my life.  And the dumbest.  I was not going to tell Naruto that I had a man crush on him.  Not that boldly.  But Naruto looked thoughtful.

“A man crush?  You mean like with celebrities?”  Before I could even correct him, Naruto went on, “Of course, I’ve had man crushes!  You wouldn’t believe how often one of my ex-girlfriends would question my sexuality because of those.

“Hey, Sasuke,” he said happily as he bounced in his seat, “Do you have a man crush on someone?”

Yes.  On you, you idiot.

“No,” I replied, “not really.”

Naruto curbed his excitement, clearly showing his losing interest as he asked, “Well then, why’d you ask about it then?  It’s not really a normal conversation topic for two grown men anyway, don’t you think?”

I thinned my lips and replied as I turned the television back on, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

oooOOooo

I called Naruto on Friday.  It was just about half past seven, and usually by then we would have contacted one another to specify a time and place for our weekend drinking ritual.

But he wouldn’t pick up his phone.  I called once, twice after a half hour had passed, and even text messaged him.

With no reply, and the time reading just about nine o’clock, I gave up trying to contact Naruto and settled to stay in for the night.

I sat idly on the couch that Naruto usually took up; why hadn’t he called?  Hopefully nothing bad had happened to him.

My heart wrenched for a second, at the thought of Naruto in a car crash.  Of Naruto being mugged on the street.  Or worse, of Naruto...being manhandled in an alleyway.

I shook my head, attempting to clear such thoughts from my mind.  Why was I so worried, anyway?  It wasn’t as if we were involved with each other like that.

It wasn’t as if we had a real relationship in the first place.

Just as I began to wallow in my own self-pity, harsh knocks from my door startled me out of my mood.

“Sasuke?  Sasuke, it’s me:  Naruto!”

Slightly confused, I opened the door and there Naruto was, standing in my doorway with a large paper bag in one hand and with a bottle of wine in another.

I quickly scanned Naruto; he seemed breathless, as if he had run up the stairs instead of taking the elevator.  His clothes were a bit more formal than his usual bar-hopping attire, too.

But the best thing about seeing Naruto at that moment was his huge, toothy smile.

“Yeah, sorry about not calling or texting you.  I wasn’t really feeling in the mood for drinking tonight.  And I figured you’d stay in if I didn’t contact you, but I wanted this to be a surprise!” Naruto said as he looked down at his occupied hands, “So, uh, surprise!”

I blinked for a moment or two and stared at Naruto.  What was he playing at?

“Naruto,” I said as I narrowed my eyes slightly, “didn’t we already establish that--”

“Tonight is a man-to-man hangout at the bachelor pad.  Nothing more.  So here I am!  Your man!”

My face warmed up a bit; Naruto obviously did not realize what he had just said.  Thinking nothing further, I stood aside and waved Naruto in, who grinned and came in to place the stuff on the dining table.

What was Naruto trying to do to me?  I folded my arms, and as he turned around, his smile faltered.

“Uh, what’s wrong, Sasuke?” he asked as his bright eyes stared at me.

I pressed my lips together and shook my head.

“Nothing’s wrong,” I said simply, then changed the subject as I walked over and peered into the paper bag on the table, “So what’d you bring?  Italian?”

oooOOooo

I couldn’t believe this man.

This man, right here, sitting on my couch, had taken away what was rightfully mine:  my sanity.

The way he sat on my couch, the way the top three buttons on his shirt were undone, it was maddening.  I could see the tanned skin underneath the cloth, and it was just lying out there, in front of me, tempting me.

Naruto was nursing a glass of wine in his hand; I had recognized the expensive wine label and immediately felt some sort of confused, twisting gut feeling, something that I had become accustomed and too familiar to.

What did he want from me, exactly?

Why was Naruto here, in my apartment, dressed in such a way, tempting me with quality food and wine?  Why was Naruto here, in my apartment, trying to rip apart my sanity?

Why was Naruto here with me, on a Friday night, when he could easily go out and have drinks instead?

Wasn’t that what he wanted to do?

Wasn’t that what a straight man would want to do?

I couldn’t deal with the raging questions swirling about in my mind.  All I could do was sit on my loveseat dumbly, swirling my own glass of wine, taking small sips but never actually coming close to draining the glass.

It had been quiet for a couple of minutes; Naruto noticed my glass-swirling, and he followed suit.  His eyes had an unbroken connection to the liquid whirlpooling inside the glass.

I put my glass down on the coffee table and sat back a little, making myself a bit more comfortable.

It was time for me to do some prodding.  To find out what the hell was going on in Naruto’s mind.  To find out what the hell was going on in my mind.

“Was there a reason why you wanted to stay in tonight, Naruto?” I asked him as I folded my arms, “It seems a bit unlike you to want to miss happy hour on a Friday night.”

Naruto looked up from his glass and let his eyes glide over to meet mine.  He smiled a little.

“Let’s just say I’ve been a bit curious about you for some time, Sasuke.”

I consciously swallowed, feeling my ears pop for a moment before they settled down into an equilibrium.

“Curious?” I inquired as I shifted in my seat, “Why would you be curious about me?”

That look in Naruto’s eyes as he stared at me, they were darker and slightly fiercer than I remembered them last.  He put down his glass and shifted to sit on the edge of the couch, closer to me.  With his elbows propped on his knees, Naruto leaned forward and clasped his hands together.

His pose was analytical.  He was analyzing me through his intense gaze.

I shifted again in my seat, feeling absolutely uncomfortable under Naruto’s scrutinizing eyes.  Though he said nothing, I could tell his mind was working faster than he could probably spout words.

After a minute or two of his heated gaze on me, I stood up and said, “Look, Naruto, I don’t want to make things weird between us--”

“Weird?” he interjected as he cocked his head to the side, “What makes you think things are weird between us?  Aren’t we two, straight, grown men, simply finishing up a nice dinner and having a friendly conversation?”

Naruto had gotten up and was moving towards me.  I gnashed my jaw, feeling the strange, post-wine feeling of acid-worn teeth in my mouth rub on each other.

“Naruto,” I said apprehensively as I stood up in record time, “Naruto, stop it.  You don’t know what you’re doing.”

“Oh, but don’t I?”

By now, I had my back to the wall, and Naruto had placed his hands on the wall, using his arms to barricade me within his confines.  I could only shuffle my feet back in what little space there was left, and I pressed myself onto the wall as flat as I could.

The way Naruto looked at me, there was something certainly different in his eyes than usual.  We were so close to one another; I could, by the streetlight streaming its light in from outside, see that Naruto’s pupils had dilated.

I had read enough online articles to understand what that meant.

I began to sweat, and pretty soon, my apartment was hot.  My skin was hot.  I couldn’t do anything but allow myself to feel the rush of blood rise to my skin, heating it and giving it a glow.

This fucking bastard.

This fucking bastard was fucking toying with me.

“Stop it!” I yelled loudly as I pushed Naruto’s chest, sending him stumbling backwards away from me, “Stop fucking with me, Naruto!”

Naruto caught himself on the back of the loveseat.  His eyes were wide, but not ridiculously so.  But they still had that darkness to them, that feral look that sent shivers up my spine.

I was breathing hard, my chest heaving as I evened out my breathing and my heartbeat.

“No,” I said more so to myself than to Naruto, “no, this can’t happen.  This cannot happen.”

I began a mad pace from where I stood, my eyes darting around the room nervously as I attempted to clear my head.  After a lame attempt, I stopped and remained rooted in my spot as I looked over at Naruto, who remained unchanged and propped against the loveseat.

A quiet anger bubbled within me as I stared hard at the wooden floor.  I couldn’t quite pinpoint the exact reason why I was getting so angry, so frustrated with myself.

“Naruto,” I called to him quietly, lowly, “Naruto, don’t fuck with me.  You’re not fucking gay.  I’m not fucking gay.  We can’t be doing this kind of shit!”

There was a pause, a silence that ran thickly between Naruto and I.  We stared at one another and were at a loss for words; even I had surprised myself at my outburst.

Another moment passed before Naruto ran a moist tongue over his dry lips and said, “I’m not fucking around, Sasuke.  I see the way you look at me; I know that you’ve been spying on me at night, when I’m sleeping on your couch.  I know all the little implications behind your jokes, your gay jokes.  I know what it all means, and I know what you’re feeling.”

I took a step back from Naruto and crossed my arms in front of my chest, as if defending my pride and reestablishing my stature.

But I wasn’t as confident as I was usually.  Though I stood tall and almost pretentiously, I still felt vulnerable.

But I wasn’t going to make it obvious for Naruto to notice.

“Why the fuck would you care, Naruto?  You’re not gay, remember?” I said defensively, turning the argument towards him.

Naruto shook his head, “I’m not.  Well, at least, I thought I wasn’t.  And from what I remember, you weren’t gay either.

“Fuck, Sasuke, for the past couple months, I thought of you as a genuine friend who I could depend on to be there for me.  I was finally getting back on my feet after dumping my girlfriend.  But then you!”

I flinched when Naruto suddenly barked at me, “You!  You fucking tempted me.  And you still do.”

I pursed my lips and said nothing.

Naruto was pacing this time, his legs taking large strides, as if to burn off excess energy and slow his mind down.

Like all other situations involving Naruto, I did not know what to do.  I stood there dumbly, staring at a distressed Naruto, who was running his hand through his hair and gripping at the strands.

Something in me compelled me forward, to do something to rectify the situation.  Unfolding my arms, I stepped forward and grabbed Naruto by the shoulders.  He didn’t fight me, but his eyes blazed as they bore into mine.  I remained steadfast and true to my intent.

“I’m sorry,” I told him, with the most genuine sincerity I could muster.  I’m sorry for bringing you into all this.

It was a quiet moment, and the mood in the room seemed to calm a little.  I continued to stare into Naruto’s eyes and his continued to search mine.

“I have to go,” Naruto said as he buttoned his shirt, “I shouldn’t have come tonight.”

He left my apartment, shutting the door with a forceful slam that vibrated the wall and shook the keyring on its hook.

I stood there dumbfounded, then collapsed onto the floor and did nothing to stop Naruto from leaving.

Absolutely nothing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I tried to tell myself that I wasn't interested in him and that he wasn't interested in me. But that denial from the both of us led to the early death of what could have been something more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for sex at the end of the chapter. It's NaruSasu, if that matters to you.
> 
> Also, this is a work of fiction, but IRL, please play it safe and use protection. It matters.

It was another Friday night.

I sat at my desk, scribbling away at the mindless paperwork that flooded the glass surface.  After finishing a whole packet of forms, I put my pen down and sat back in my chair.

It was just another Friday night.

It had been quite some time since Naruto had last visited; how long had it been, exactly?  A month?  Two months?  I couldn’t remember.  It was hard keeping track of time nowadays.

I listened to my desk clock tick and tock, letting the steady beat lull me into comfort.  Sitting back even further in my chair, I allowed my body to lax and my mind to run.

I hadn’t even called Naruto once after that night.  I was tempted to call, but every time I tried, I could only cowardly hang up after half a ring.

The things Naruto said that night, they still resounded in my ears, clear as day.

It was my fault, my fault that Naruto didn’t come around anymore.  I had the worst intentions of keeping him around, selfishly holding onto him as if he had reciprocated my feelings.

What were my feelings about him, exactly?

I groaned and stood up from my chair, frustrated that even after all this time I was still thinking about Naruto.

I hadn’t even known him for that long.

It was just a stupid crush that I had on him.  A man crush.

And then suddenly I remembered his reaction when I brought up man crushes.

_He said, “It’s not really a normal conversation topic for two grown men anyway, don’t you think?”_

And then I remembered feeling shame after that, shame for having those romantic feelings for Naruto.

What was he thinking, coming over that night with dinner and wine?  What made him think that it was ever a good idea to show up at a man’s house with food and alcohol like that?

What was he trying to do?

And why did I drive him out like that?

Why didn’t I stop him?

“What the fuck,” I said loudly to myself, letting the sound echo and resonate through the rooms, “I need a drink.”

Abandoning my paperwork, I grabbed a light jacket and headed out.

oooOOooo

“Yeah, so we were really psyched for getting in.  No one gets in.  But we totally cut everyone else and went in!”

I exhaled deeply through my nose, my eyelids falling a little as I took another sip of my drink.  The woman sitting next to me at the bar continued to talk to me, though I showed no interest and was not even facing her.

“It was the coolest night ever.  I saw so many celebrities, it was ridic.  And you wouldn’t believe how many guys hit on me.  I wasn’t even wearing my best outfit that night.”

With a tip of the glass, I finished off the last of my drink and left some cash on the counter before I stood up.  The woman sitting next to me got up as well and hooked her arm with mine.

“Hey,” she said as she looked up at my eyes, “how about we go somewhere a little more private?  So we can finish our conversation.”

“No,” I said simply.

She pouted and held my hand out at arm’s length.

“You look strong.  Do you wanna show me your muscles?”

She was persistent.  And annoying.  I jerked my hand away from her and started to walk away.

“You’re a fucking queer,” she shouted after me.

Something inside me flared.  I turned back around to face her and took a step towards her.  The look on her face gave away her fear, but she stood her ground as I stood just inches away.

Looking her straight in the eyes, I replied, “So fucking what?”

The bar had grown a bit quiet.  Most people were engrossed in their own little conversations, but the others sititng at the bar counter had shut their mouths to watch the scene.

I had to restrain myself from hitting her.  My fingers pressed into my palm; all I needed to do was take a swing at her and it would be over.

But I didn’t.  As much as I wanted to, I wasn’t about to hit this woman, even if she did piss me off.

I forced out a sigh and walked out of the bar without looking back.

oooOOooo

The alcohol had done me very little to dull my mind; I was still thinking, and ideas were still looming over me.  I made a slow return home, casually walking down each street and making as many detours as I could.  The thoughts in my mind began to dissipate, the ones relating to Naruto disappearing from the forefront of my mind as I wore myself out.

It was a useless endeavor, however, when I made my way up to my floor in my apartment building.

Naruto, with his back against my apartment door, was sitting on the floor, his head rolled slightly to the side and his eyes shut.

He was almost as I had remembered him.  I kneeled down next to Naruto and scanned his face, noticing the dark circles beneath his eyes.  And his skin was paled in comparison to his normally healthy tanned skin.

I could only guess that he had lost a lot of sleep since the last time I saw him.  Though, I couldn’t brag about being fully rested myself, either.  I was sure I looked just as shitty as Naruto at this point.

Sighing, I put a hand on Naruto’s shoulder and gently shook him awake.

“Naruto, how long are you planning on sleeping here?”

My heart raced as Naruto’s eyes opened, revealing his ever-brilliant blue eyes.  He furrowed his eyebrows and looked away from me.

I stood up and gave Naruto my hand as I hoisted him up from the floor.  Unlocking my door, I walked into the dark apartment and the blond man followed me, closing the door behind him gently.

“Do you want anything to drink, Naruto?  Water?  Beer?”

He shook his head in reply and stood awkwardly near my door, as if afraid to wander in.  As if he was unfamiliar with the place and had never been here before.

“Naruto, you can sit on the couch, you know.”

Rather than complying with my suggestion, Naruto shook his head, his voice mute.  I looked over at him and took a seat on the loveseat, draping my arms along the back of the seat.

Naruto opened his mouth, his eyes searching everywhere in the apartment before he clenched his teeth.  He closed his mouth again and remained rooted in his spot.

He was uncomfortable being in here with me.  I could tell by the way he held the front of his jacket with his hands.  I was uncomfortable as well, though he probably couldn’t tell that my tongue was pressing against my teeth in an attempt to distract myself from my own blaring discomfort.

“I’m sorry, Sasuke.  I’m really sorry about everything.  I never meant to react the way I did.”

I looked over at him and stared.

“But you did,” I replied placidly, causing Naruto to bow his head, “but I never meant to react so harshly either, Naruto.  We both messed up that night.”

Naruto stared at the floor and his hands continued to fiddle with the front of his jacket.  I moved my eyes away from him and looked out the window.  It was dark out and the moon was nowhere to be seen.  The only light that filtered in was from the streetlight nearby.

I remembered that I hadn’t even turned on the lights at all.

From Naruto, I heard a sigh escape him.  The sound of metal running over metal reached my ears; Naruto was playing with the zipper of his jacket, slowly running the slider up and down the rows of metal teeth.

“Can you stop that?” I said, staring out the window for a second longer before I turned my head towards him, “Your fidgeting is making me nervous.”

Immediately, Naruto stopped his hand and clasped them behind his back.  I sighed and stood up.  
“Naruto, what are you doing here?  Why have you come?  To tempt me?”

His arms came out to his sides, his hands clenched in fists.  He glared at me and pursed his lips.

“I’m here to apologize.”

“You’ve already apologized,” I retorted, “So why are you still here?”

Naruto inhaled deeply and stood up tall, puffing out his chest a bit.

“Because.”

I looked over at the blond and, with my heart beginning to pump a little bit faster and a little bit harder, stared right into his blue eyes.  I waited for his answer with bated breath.

“Because...?”

Naruto twitched.  It was the slightest muscle spasm underneath his right eye, but he still twitched.

Either he was annoyed at my badgering, or he was attempting to hold his tongue.  But he regained himself and took a step towards me.

If only the couch wasn’t between us.  Otherwise, I would have let loose and allowed myself to act on impulse.

Damn couch.

The blond furrowed his eyebrows, opened his mouth, then looked as if he was fighting to find words to say.  He frowned and pouted his lips.

“I-I don’t know what to say.  I had it all planned out in my head, what I was going to tell you,” Naruto said as he looked up from the floor, “But now that you’re here, standing right in front of me, I’m not sure I can do it.

“No,” he reassured himself, closing his eyes as they moved rapidly behind his eyelids, “no, I need to tell you.”

I wasn’t sure what was going on with Naruto.  He looked almost crazy, or perhaps, like he was in a very deep REM sleep.  But standing up.

I waited until Naruto opened his eyes and looked at me.  He had those darkened eyes again.  Just by the way he looked at me, I could tell that this was the time for me to know everything Naruto was thinking.  He looked determined, for once.

“Sasuke,” he called my name, “Sasuke, I’m not sure how to say this, but—”

Naruto paused.  He pulled out his cellphone from his pocket, squinted at the screen and scoffed as he shoved it back in his pocket.  His hand never left his pocket.

“Ah, sorry Sasuke,” Naruto said as he avoided my eye, “but uh, what I meant to say before was, uh, I miss you.  As a drinking buddy.  And I miss crashing on your couch on the weekends.  Yeah, that’s what I meant to say.”

“Oh,” I replied simply, “uh, yeah, me too.  I miss that.”

And just like that, the moment of truth fled.

Something was up.  Whatever appeared on Naruto’s cellphone — a text message or a missed call — it seemed to disturb and upset Naruto.

Enough to change whatever he was originally going to say to me.

“Um, do you think we could go back to hanging out again?  You know, as friends?” Naruto asked as he hunched his shoulders slightly.

I stared at him, but only for a fraction of a second.  I sighed and ran my hand through my hair.

“That’s fine,” I replied, “Just—just text me next weekend.  We’ll do like we used to.”

Naruto nodded and smiled, though it didn’t extend too much across the expanse of his face.  He retreated from his spot and walked towards the door.

Just as he was halfway out the door, Naruto stopped and said quietly, “I’m really sorry.”

He shut the door, and I fell onto the couch in front of me.  It was as if the entire ordeal had drained me of all my energy.

I didn’t even have enough willpower to sit up.  I lied down on the couch and stared up at the ceiling, letting my mind wrap itself around what had just happened.

God fucking damn it.

oooOOooo

I was frustrated.  So fucking frustrated.

Naruto had called me two hours ago, around six o’clock.  He told me he had to run an errand, and that he would call me back as soon as he finished.

He was making me wait longer than I wanted.

I prepped myself to go out; I took a shower and dressed.  But despite all the time it took for me to get ready, Naruto still hadn’t contacted me back.

I had to restrain myself from texting nagging messages to Naruto, to hurry him up with whatever the fuck was so important.

I sat down heavily on the couch and stared hard at my cellphone on the coffee table.

“Fuck you, Naruto,” I growled at the phone, “Fuck you, for getting my hopes up.”

As if on cue, the phone lit up and rang.  I snatched it off the table, as if someone was around to challenge me for it, and I waited a moment or two before answering.

“Hey, Sasuke!  Sorry I took so long.  Let’s meet up, okay?

Hearing his voice had a calming effect on me; all the frustration I had built up, all the anger bottled up inside — it all dissipated into nothingness as Naruto gave me a time and location.

I hung up, grabbed my jacket, and headed out in a matter of seconds.

oooOOooo

“I don’t know how you feel about clubs, but I feel like dancing tonight.  That okay?”

I didn’t particularly enjoy dance clubs, mostly because people would attempt to dance with me.  Or touch me.

And I didn’t like being touched by random people.

I stared at Naruto, “Yeah, that’s fine.  I’m not dancing though.”

Naruto pouted, “Why not?  Dancing’s fun.”

We stepped forward as the bouncer let in a group of girls in front of us.  I shrugged, with my hands shoved into my jacket pockets.

“I never really got into it.  Besides, I can smell them sweating all the way from here.  There’s no way I’m going into that mess of people.”

The blond grinned at my answer.  I looked around casually, then to the bouncer, who waved the two of us in.

As soon as the door opened, the environment around us completely changed.  There was no longer a cool breeze blowing through the serene night; sweat, both the feel and smell of it, hung in the air.  I removed my jacket immediately in an attempt to cool my already-sweating body.

On the other hand, as I was scrutinizing the place, Naruto seemed to thrum with excitement.  He grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards the dance floor.

“Whoa, what are you doing?” I yelled at him over the blasting music, “I’m not going in there!”

Naruto grinned, took my jacket from me, threw it on a random chair, and dragged me towards the beating, living mass of bodies.  He pushed through the crowd, allowing me to follow behind him with ease.

What was Naruto doing, dragging me into the throng of the crowd?  I scanned the area as Naruto continued to drag me along.  If he was thinking of trapping me, he was successful; I didn’t know which way was out.

He let go of my wrist and began to dance, feeling the strong beats of the song envelop him.  I stood there awkwardly, staring.

People around me pushed on my body constantly, making me sway back and forth, much to my displeasure.  Naruto noticed this and took his hands in mine, interlocking our fingers together.  He moved his arms as he continued to move his body, encouraging me to follow suit.

I couldn’t help myself.  I stared at Naruto, who so boldly held onto my hands, who so boldly dragged me into this mess of a situation.

I couldn’t run.

As badly as I wanted to retreat from the mass of people, I couldn’t.  And it wasn’t because people around me were pushing me every which way.

It was just the show of Naruto’s moves that rooted me to my spot.  His body moved fluidly, and although Naruto wasn’t exactly the best dancer, he allowed himself to reveal the sensual, mobile side of him that I had only seen once before — once, when he was masturbating.

The club became increasingly hot and stifling, to the point that I was beginning to get dizzy.  I was breathing, yes, but my lungs felt as if they were taking in nothing.

As I was about to call out to Naruto, he pulled me in, and our bodies pressed flush against one another.  The heat of the other bodies around us, the overwhelming heat emanating from Naruto’s against mine — it was all too much.

I felt Naruto slide his body against mine as he moved up and down.  To my dismay, I felt my lower abdomen and groin begin to heat even further.

I was going mad.

Naruto was driving me crazy.

Insane.

With my final shred of sanity gone, I moved forward and kissed Naruto.

It was nowhere near an innocent peck on the lips.  My lips pressed against Naruto’s, and before he even had time to react, my tongue had already pushed its way into his mouth, sweeping through with a curious appetite for his taste.

This was forbidden.  I wasn’t particularly religious, but the idea of two single men, Naruto and I, kissing like this — well, it was almost ludicrous.

I felt every nerve in my body react to Naruto, to the idea of having his lips on mine.  Finally.

I had surprised myself at that point.  It was as if my body acted on its own accord and did whatever the fuck it felt like doing.  My mind, though numb, would later recollect on this and would probably deem this as the single, dumbest moment in my life.

You, a straight man, just kissed Naruto, a straight man.  That was my mind’s reason of denial for this moment.

But I didn’t care.

I didn’t give a flying fuck about anything anymore.  Not about the fact that Naruto and I were both straight men before meeting one another.  Not about the fact that we were kissing in a public place.  Not even about the fact that the people around us were staring.

Naruto pulled away and pressed his lips together, giving me a look that I couldn’t quite interpret.

Before I knew it, we were on our way off the dance floor, outside the club, walking briskly towards his apartment.

oooOOooo

Naruto pushed me up against the door, his grip on my wrists preventing me from moving anywhere.

Not that I wanted to go anywhere else.

He licked my lower lip and sucked on it hard.  I returned his enthusiasm, slipping my tongue into his mouth as we deepened our kiss.

I let out a strained sound from my throat as Naruto pressed himself flush against me, our lower regions colliding and creating friction.  He groaned, but continued to hold me down with strength I didn’t know he had.

Naruto pulled his head away and we both took large gulps of fresh air.  I stared into his eyes and he into mine; I swallowed and pressed my swelling lips together.

“Naruto,” I said through breaths, “are you sure about this?”

His eyes darkened and turned fierce.  Before I could react, he gripped my wrist and dragged me along until we reached his room.

Not even bothering to turn on the light, Naruto shoved me onto his bed.  I hit the mattress with a soft ‘fump’ and stared at Naruto.

He climbed over me and was on all fours, looming over my body with a sense of ownership that he knew no one else could ever take away from him.

My fingertips roamed all over Naruto, from his face, to his chest, all the way down to his lower abdomen.  I ran my hand over his denim jeans, making sure to press a little harder on his crotch.  Naruto groaned, his body shaking in pleasure.

“Sasuke,” he said in his tenor voice, soothing me and arousing me, “oh, Sasuke.”

I continued my fondling, ignoring Naruto for the time being.  I would enjoy this, all of this, while it was still consensual.  While it was, even just momentarily, a fantasy that I could obtain.

My hands fumbled with Naruto’s jeans button and zipper.  With an annoyed grunt, Naruto got up on his knees and pulled down his jeans, along with his boxers.  He shook them off his legs, pulled of his shirt and directed his attention back to me.

I could only gawk at the masterpiece before my eyes.  Naruto was standing in front of me, stark naked.  I couldn’t help myself as my eyes roamed everywhere, taking in every visual aspect of him like my life depended on it.

Naruto pulled my jeans off as well, not even bothering to unbutton or unzipper them.  The denim scratched against my skin, and I furrowed my eyebrows at the discomfort.

“Shit, Naruto.”

Mistaking me as being aroused by the pain, Naruto pulled them completely off my legs and swooped down for a rough collision of lips as he pulled my shirt off.  I winced at the roughness, at Naruto’s complete dominance; he wasn’t holding back in the least bit.

I extended my arm and reached for Naruto’s cock.  He moaned and pulled away from the kiss, throwing his head upwards, relishing the pleasure that overtook him.

“God, Sasuke.  You make me so fucking hard.”

My cock pulsed; the things Naruto said and the way he said them, they elicited excitement in me.

I slowly pumped Naruto, and the sounds that rumbled from that blond man’s throat made me feel even more aroused than I ever thought possible.

It was a moment of feral instincts.  There was no time for romance; we needed pleasure and could only think of fulfilling those bodily desires.  There would be no whispered words of sweet nothings, just the sounds and pleasures of physical sex.

Without thinking, I knocked Naruto over, and he tumbled to his side while I maneuvered above him.  In a moment’s time, I had engulfed Naruto’s cock in my mouth.

He let out a loud, breathy moan that caused my cock to twitch again.  I let my mouth trail upwards and released his cock.  Naruto hissed and grabbed at my hair.

“Don’t tease me, Sasuke.”

Naruto flipped me over and pinned me down, his hands holding down my wrists.

I complied with Naruto’s desire to change positions; this dominating persona that Naruto had was turning me on.  Only with Naruto would I ever be willing to feel powerless and controlled.

My usual, cool demeanor had been broken by Naruto with so simple a look.  But this look was far more suggestive, dangerous, and pornographic in nature.  I just couldn’t keep my composure.

Naruto held down my wrists with one hand and began licking fingers of his free hand.  He looked at me as his tongue glided across his skin.

By the way his tongue swirled across his digits, I could only imagine what it would feel like to have his tongue lapping at my cock.  But for the time being, I could only imagine.

His fingers left his mouth and began to probe at my ass.  I turned my head away as Naruto pressed the tip of his finger at the entrance.

“Relax for me,” Naruto said, almost gently, “and this will go a lot better for you.”

I winced as Naruto pushed his index finger into me.  He went slowly, then paused as he allowed me to become accustomed to the feeling.  His finger moved in and out, in a piston-like rhythm, and I closed my eyes to feel the rhythm thrum through my body.

"Sasuke, look at me."

I opened my eyes and Naruto inserted another finger.  I took in a sharp breath, but continued to keep my eyes on Naruto.  He moved his fingers in me, and at every opportunity he could, he would open his fingers in a scissor-like fashion, stretching me.

Before I knew it, I was grinding into Naruto’s fingers.

“Please, Naruto,” I said as I shut my eyes, “please, fuck me.  Fuck me in the ass.  Please.”

I was helpless.  It was disgusting.  I felt absolutely disgusted at my own neediness.

Naruto pressed his lips against mine for a brief moment, his fingers stilling and pulling out from me.

“If you want me to, I will.”

He moved himself up, kneeling over my chest.  I moved my neck and took his cock into my mouth again, moistening it with ease.

I was getting carried away with lapping my tongue all around him; Naruto put a hand to my neck and pushed me down, releasing his cock.  He resumed his position above me and aligned his cock to my asshole.

Naruto groaned as he attempted to push the tip of his cock into my ass.  I turned my head to the side and threw an arm over my eyes, feeling the foreign girth stretch me.

“Sasuke,” Naruto groaned as he paused, “are you okay?”

I gave myself a minute or two before nodding, cuing him to continue.  He continued to push himself in, breathing heavily and grunting all the while.

My breathing grew heavily as well, and the foreign feeling of pain in my backside rendered me unable to concentrate on anything other than Naruto.

His eyes were closed, closed tightly in a manner that suggested he was exerting more physical strength than he ever expected to.  At a particularly rough thrust, his eyes opened and he gasped, though I knew he was not actually looking at me.

At a moment’s rest, our bodies stilled; Naruto was fully pressed into me, his balls pressing against my ass.  We were both breathing hard.

I shifted a little, causing Naruto’s cock to pulse inside me.  I tried to stifle my moan, but it was no use.  The low sound emerged from my chest, and Naruto groaned in response, his cock pulsing again and again.

“Na-Naruto, I’m going to—”

Naruto began to thrust again, this time a bit more aggressively.  He pulled out until the head was the only part left of him in me, then pushed harshly.  I cried out, and he repeated this several times before my ass began to tighten.

Just as I was about to climax, Naruto gripped my neglected cock.  I whimpered at the suspension of my release.  Soon enough, however, his hand began to stroke me, up and down, in an irregular rhythm, until I felt myself fall out of the border of sanity once again.  I let out a deep moan.

My ass squeezed around Naruto, and he grunted, shooting his semen inside me.  As if he had lost all energy, Naruto fell on top of me, his body pressed against mine.

We lied there for a few minutes, Naruto still in me.  Our bodies became lax, and we were still pressed against one another, sweat on sweat.

I had released everything that was within me:  the worries, the pain, the denial, least of all the semen.  It was such a liberating moment, to have dispelled everything that I was holding in on my own.

But that moment faded as Naruto pulled his softening cock out of me.  I felt some of his semen drip out of my ass and onto his sheets.

It was at that moment of transition that I knew that reality was setting in, that my fantasy was disappearing.

With a final sigh, I pressed my face into his pillow and inhaled.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I tried to tell myself that I wasn't interested in him and that he wasn't interested in me. But that denial from the both of us led to the early death of what could have been something more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning again for sex at the end of the chapter (with a side of deep throating). This time it's SasuNaru.
> 
> Also, in case you didn't read the tags, this story's not ending happy.
> 
> On another read-through of this work, I realize how sad and angsty it is, so... let me know if you like this style. I know a lot of fanfic writers like leaving things on a happy note, but I can be just as satisfied (and unfulfilled) with a sad ending.

I woke up with a startling jolt, the sudden feeling of falling scaring my heart into beating faster than normal.  I pushed myself up and looked around, making sure that nothing around me was out of the ordinary.

And much to my expectations, there was nothing particularly different than I would have imagined the room to be.  A beam of sunlight filtered into the room, slightly illuminating the darkness.

I jumped, startled, once again as Naruto wrapped his arms around my waist.  Looking over my shoulder, I saw that the blond was still sleeping, and had only shifted momentarily to grab ahold of me.

It seemed as if he was not ready to let me go just yet.

Instead of moving and possibly waking Naruto up, I lied there on my side and thought.  There was no way I was going to fall back asleep, and I would feel bad if Naruto woke up because of me.  No, I could wait a little while for him to wake up.

What had happened the night before was...unexpected and raw.  And though I thoroughly enjoyed the free fuck, the way Naruto and I had progressed — from the dance club to his bedroom — it all seemed rushed, as if the blond did not give any more time to think this actions through.

I couldn’t say last night wasn’t a particularly satisfying round of sex, but at the moment, I did not feel the normal “morning after” lax of the muscles in my body.  I still felt tense, as if I hadn’t cummed within the last twelve hours.

Shifting onto my back, I moved my arms out from underneath the covers and pillowed my head with my hands.  Naruto adjusted himself as I changed positions, his grip around my waist loosening.  He draped a lazy arm over my stomach and yawned, gradually waking up from his slumber.

“Mn, Sasuke?” he said softly, his eyes still closed.

I hummed, acknowledging his call and letting him know I was there.  A small smile formed on Naruto’s lips and he rubbed hs eyes before opening them.  He stared at me momentarily before moving his head to face away from me.  He yawned again.

“Wanna get something to eat?  I’m kind of hungry,” Naruto mumbled, “Didn’t exactly eat last night.”

I had eaten plenty.  But that was besides the point.

“Yeah, I could go for some food too,” I replied, amusing myself with my vulgar thoughts.

ooOOOoo

It wasn’t until Naruto put on his jacket that I realized I had left mine at the dance club.

We were apparently in too much of a rush to remember to grab a measly piece of clothing.

“Here, you can borrow one of my jackets.  It’s not as nice as the one you left, but I think it would suit you well,” Naruto said as he threw a jacket at me.

I held it up, thinking that he was probably right; it was a simple, black jacket — probably made of pleather — but it fit me pretty well, despite the discrepancy in our clothing sizes.  Naruto was a bit shorter than me, and a bit chubbier too.  It was as if he had bought the jacket when he was skinnier and had thought he would grow a bit taller.

I shrugged the jacket on and Naruto gave a low whistle, “Yep, that suits you.  You can keep it too, if you’d like.  That thing hasn’t fit me in years.”

I didn’t say anything, mostly because I didn’t exactly want to accept this secondhand jacket that Naruto had worn only a few times, it seemed.

We left his apartment and walked outside.  I was glad that I borrowed Naruto’s jacket; lately the weather hadn’t been too cold, but a sudden change in weather had the cool wind blowing a little too profusely.

Naruto guided us to a small diner.  It was on a street corner and didn’t look like much, but people were bustling in and out as we approached the establishment.

The door opened as we neared, and two people — a male and a female — came out.  The female shivered when the wind blew, and the male wrapped his arm around her and ushered her to move quickly.  I stared at them as they disappeared around the corner.

“Hey, Sasuke, you coming in or what?”

I turned back to discover that Naruto was inside the diner but had been holding the door for me, his arm stretching and muscles straining.  Without further thought about the couple, I went inside the diner with Naruto.

“Pick any seats you want, darlings.  Booth, table, counter — the choice is yours.”

The blond hostess winked at the two of us.  Naruto grinned and went forward, while I nonchalantly followed after him.  We sat down on the stools at the counter, and before we knew it, menus appeared in front of us.  The old man behind the counter smiled at us, and then turned his attention to Naruto.

“Naruto, how nice to see you again.  No lunch with the girlfriend today?”

I whipped my head to Naruto, who fumbled and then hid himself behind the laminated menu.

“This is my friend, Sasuke.  We’re just stopping in for some brunch,” he said, his face still hidden, “I’m going to go use the bathroom.”

Before I could even call his name, Naruto threw down the menu and rushed away from the counter.

“Excuse me,” I asked the old man, “can I get a cup of coffee?”

As the old man bustled away to retrieve my drink, I stared at the men’s bathroom door, which was still swinging from the force that Naruto inflicted upon it as he zoomed through.

What the fuck was all that about?

I opened my own menu and looked around casually at the different food items, none of them particularly interesting me.

The old man came back with a cup, with little plastic cream containers sitting next to it on the saucer, and a pot of dark coffee.  He placed the cup down and poured it partway, allowing room for cream and sugar.

“So you’re a friend of Naruto’s?” the old man asked as he finished pouring my coffee, “I’m surprised he has friends, considering all the time he spends with his girlfriend.  But I guess I shouldn’t be making assumptions about someone’s personal life, eh?”

I plucked a couple sugar packets from the little containers sitting all along the counter and began adding them to my coffee as I replied, “They come here often?”

Something was up.  Naruto was definitely keeping something from me, and it was at that time that I decided to investigate what exactly he wasn’t telling me.  This girlfriend of his, the mere idea alone that Naruto was frolicking around with another person, was not making me happy.

The old man put the coffee pot back on its burner and began to wipe down the counter space near me, “Yep.  It’s a safe bet to say that they come here at least three times a week.  Sometimes they’ll stay for as little as ten minutes, sometimes for as long as an hour.”

I was stirring in the cream into my coffee now, “You think she’s pretty?”

With a contemplative expression on his face, the old man nodded, “Yeah, she’s pretty.  Changes her hair color a lot and wears a bit too much makeup sometimes, but yeah, can’t say she’s an ugly sort.  Why?  You thinking of taking her from Naruto?”

I shook my head in response and took a large gulp of scalding coffee, “Just curious.  Hey, I’ve got to go.  When Naruto comes out, can you tell him that I left?”

“Oh, sure.  You don’t want anything on the menu though?  Just coffee in your stomach isn’t good for the body.  The caffeine’ll run right through you.”

“I appreciate the concern, but no thanks.  Hey, how much do I owe you for the coffee?”

The old man waved his hand, “Don’t worry about it.  You only had coffee — it’s on the house.  I’ll let Naruto know you’ve gone.”

I pulled out a five dollar bill and put it on the counter, “Here’s tip then.”

Before the old man could complain and before Naruto emerged from the bathroom, I fled from the diner.  Outside, the wind was blowing even stronger than before.  I crossed my arms in an attempt to collect heat and stay warm.

Standing on the corner of the street, I hailed a taxi.  The yellow vehicle stopped with its back door right in front of me.  As I stepped in, Naruto had come out from the diner and was running to catch up.

“Sasuke!”

I stepped back out of the taxi, and the driver harrumphed with impatience.

“Sasuke, why are you doing this?”

Like the driver, I harrumphed, “Why?  You have a girlfriend, who you cheated on with me.  Naruto, I don’t want to be that person, the person who ruins someone else’s relationship.  It’s not fair.  It’s not fair for me or for your girlfriend.”

I closed the door to the taxi, which sped away with a roar of the engine.  The driver was obviously angry about the loss of two minutes of his driving time.

Naruto frowned at my response.  “Look, I can explain everything.  Please, just listen to me.”

I shook my head.  There would be no explaining.  I had a good idea of what was going on.  Naruto would not, could not, convince me that there was a reasonable explanation to everything.

“I can’t.  You’ve been playing the both of us, and it has to stop.  I don’t care if you’re impartial.  I don’t care if you’re gay, straight, bi, whatever.  But if you’re still in a relationship with some girl, I can’t — no, I won’t — see you.  Not like this.”

Naruto sighed, “Can I at least get a second to try to explain myself?”

I crossed my arms and tapped my foot, urging him to hurry the fuck up.

“I probably should have told you sooner, but the girl I come often to the diner with isn’t my girlfriend, but my ex.  I still talk to her every night, too, when I’m not with you.  And I...I don’t know what this is, what we are to each other.  I’m absolutely afraid of you, of how drastically my life would change if I were to start something with you.  I don’t know what to expect, what to say or do.  I don’t know anything when I look at you.  You’re like a black hole; who knows what really happens if you get sucked in?  I don’t like the uncertainty.  And I’m sorry for being so impartial but I really don’t know what I want, Sasuke.”

I huffed, gave a quick “whatever” and walked away.  Hailing a taxi would mean having to wait.  Walking away would mean getting the hell out of that place, away from Naruto.

Naruto was persistent; he ran to catch up with me and kept at my pace as I speed-walked somewhere, anywhere.

“Sasuke!  Please!  Can you just wait a second?”

I paused in my step, as did Naruto.  We stared at each other in the eyes and sparks flew, not in a sexual way, but threateningly.

“What more do you want from me, Naruto?  Do you want me to pretend like there aren’t any problems?  If you’re so indecisive, take the time to sort out your feelings.  Until you can do that, I don’t want anything to do with you.

“But I do have one question that I’d like for you to answer, Naruto:  Did last night mean anything at all to you?  Or was it just a test to see if you’d enjoy fucking a man?”

Naruto stammered, stuttered over his words, giving me no real answer.  I shook my head and walked off, leaving Naruto behind me.  The worst thing about his silent response was that he couldn’t even defend himself.

Pathetic Naruto.

I then remembered that I didn’t exactly pull away from Naruto when he came onto me.  I could just as easily have walked out from Naruto’s apartment.  I could just as easily have said no when he pulled me out from the dance club.

Pathetic me.

oooOOooo

I noticed that I could only take Naruto in binges.  There was no consistent pattern of Naruto in my life.  From day one, I would see him on an erratic schedule — for weeks, we’d be inseparable, then we’d separate for months.  This time was no different, after I discovered and confronted him about his impartiality between his ex and me.

After Naruto stopped coming around, I stopped socializing, cutting off ties from many of my acquaintances and coworkers.  The only people I ever talked to personally was my older brother Itachi, who would attempt to engage me in useless conversations about the weather and other small talk topics.

So there I was, in my signature spot in my study, doing paperwork on a Friday night.  It was a weekly thing for me, the only thing that kept me sane.  I could always count on my job to give me work over the weekend, and I would take on extra paperwork when my weekend load was light.  The more time I worked, the less time I had to think, and the less time I had to think, the less of Naruto pervaded my thoughts.

But this Friday night was different.  The days were getting warmer, and the idea of bringing a jacket out at night was almost laughable.  It was warm enough so that a long sleeve would suffice on the coldest days.

Someone knocked on my door.  I jumped, leaving a very large, very ugly scribble on the paperwork I was working on.  I threw my pen on the desk, giving up on my paperwork, and went to open the door.

I did not expect to see the person on the other side of the door.

“Hello, Sasuke.”

I looked up and down at Naruto, who had definitely aged since I last saw him.  It had only been three months, but his face looked more stern, his features seemingly darker in comparison to his once-sunny self.  He had his hands in his pockets and his shoulders were slouched.

“Naruto, you look like fucking hell,” I said simply.

Naruto combed his fingers through his hair and put his hand back in his pocket.  He didn’t seem very happy to see me, and likewise, I wasn’t very happy to see him.

The blond breathed heavily through his nose, “I gave it some thought, Sasuke, what you told me the last time we saw each other.”

After some moments of silence flew by, I asked, “So?  What did you end up deciding?”

He looked around, almost as if he was afraid that someone was listening in.  I stepped aside and let him into my apartment before closing the door.  I leaned on the door and crossed my arms, waiting for his reply.

“I...I’m really sorry, Sasuke.  I was never really over my ex.  She left me, but I still loved her.  And I still love her, even now.  And though I really wish I had the courage to, I can’t think of starting a romantic relationship with you.  It’s-it’s just too weird for me to think about.”

I rubbed my tired eyes with my hand.  “You could have called me on the phone to tell me all this, Naruto.  Why make the extra effort to tell me in person?”

Naruto pressed his lips together and looked away.  He strained his bright, beautiful, blue eyes to anything but me.  His hands were behind his back and he swayed nervously from the balls of his feet to his heels.

“I came to say goodbye, I guess.  I mean, it’s a selfish thing for me to do, to ask you of this, but I couldn’t stand to leave things the way they were—”

I didn’t even give Naruto time to finish explaining himself.  With two long strides, I lunged over to Naruto, grabbed the front of his shirt, and — with all my might — pressed my lips against his.  I tilted my head one way as he did the other, and our mouths melded into a perfect union of two lovers.

My tongue pushed into his mouth and swept through the foreign-yet-familiar mouth, over smooth teeth, gums, tongue.  I sucked on his bottom lip hard, not letting go until Naruto whimpered.  It was a forceful kiss; Naruto would have no mercy from me.  He would finally know of all the pain and lust he had rendered in me from the first day we met.

I grabbed a fistful of hair from the back of Naruto’s head and pulled, exposing his neck.  I latched myself onto that tanned, bare skin and sucked momentarily before pressing my teeth lightly onto flesh.  Naruto moaned, and I gave a particularly hard suck in response.

Pulling away from his neck, I looked up into Naruto’s eyes and said, in a low voice, “You’re not leaving here unharmed, Naruto.  I can guarantee you that.”

He shivered, and I pulled off his plain, orange t-shirt, exposing the tanned body that retained its beautiful color even during the cold season.  I licked my thumb and rubbed on his nipple roughly, causing it to perk up and harden.

“P-please, Sasuke, I-I...”

We shifted over to the couch, and I pushed him down before I unbuckled his belt and pulled his pants down, leaving his blue, striped boxers on.  He was already extremely hard.  I straddled him and took off my own shirt, lying down over him so that our chests contacted, skin to skin.

Naruto was panting, his eyes squinting and focusing nowhere.  I swooped down to claim his lips again and distracted him as I trailed my hand from his neck, down over his sides, over his lower abdomen, to the space between his legs.  He let out a breath of air and swallowed thickly.

“Sah-sasuke,” he whispered in shaky breaths, “I’m so sorry.  I...I never meant for any of this to happen.”

I ignored Naruto’s apology and wrapped my fingers around his still-clothed cock.  He shut his mouth and attempted to keep from making any sound, but a strained sound still managed to squeak from his throat.

I wasn’t even thinking at the point, but was acting on instincts.  The last time we fucked, Naruto had taken dominance over me.  This time, I would return the favor.  I would not allow him to leave me unscathed.

I pulled back for a moment, letting go of Naruto’s cock.  He shut his eyes and bit his lip as I maneuvered to take my pants off.

I stood up and pulled Naruto off the couch onto the floor.  He knelt in front of me, my own clothed cock hovering near his face.

Before I even got to telling him what to do, Naruto pulled my boxers down with his teeth and kissed the tip of my cock.  I nearly fell over, but he held me up with his arms, which snaked around my hips to my lower back.

“Oh god,” I moaned, “Naruto.”

I grabbed his hair and pushed him down on my cock, his warm, moist mouth completely engulfing me.  He bobbed his head, deep-throating me every single thrust.  I threw my head back and closed my eyes, reveling in the intense sucking.  My breathing shallowed and my mouth went dry.

Naruto let go of me, my cock pulsing as it was exposed to the cool air.  I patted Naruto on the side, and he moved to rest the top-half of his body on the back of the couch while he stuck his ass in the air.

And what a sight it was.  I spread his cheeks and looked intently at his hole, already getting thoughts of pounding hard into him.  I gave a hard slap to his smooth ass, leaving a momentary red mark as blood rushed to the impact spot.

“Ah!” he cried out as he gripped the cushioned seat.

My cock was still wet from Naruto blowing me, and I moved to press my hard cock on his ass.  We moaned simultaneously.

From then, I lost it.  I didn’t know what demon or spirit overtook me, but I gripped the base of my cock and pushed right into Naruto’s asshole.  He tensed his entire body but tried his best to keep lax.  First, the tip of my cock pressed in, and already the pressure down the length of my cock as I pushed in further was almost overbearing.

I hadn’t noticed until I was fully pressed into Naruto that the blond had nearly passed out.  Pulling his head back by the hair, I tapped his cheeks until he was roused conscious again.

“Don’t go out on me like that, Naruto,” I purred as I planted a kiss on his lips, “You’re going to miss the main event.”

I let go of him, and Naruto’s top-half fell heavily onto the couch.  It had taken every fiber of my being to hold back from just ripping through the blond and pounding the living daylights out of him.

I started off slow; I pulled my cock out and in, thrusting shallowly.  It wasn’t until Naruto started to grind onto my cock that I quickened my pace.

Naruto was exhaling angrily.  He would suck in air, then let his breath out through his teeth.  His breathing was getting me off, and I continued to push in and out of Naruto as his breath heavied.

I bent over Naruto and stilled my thrusting as I grabbed his cock.  He moaned and moved his body to thrust onto my cock.  I gripped tighter and pumped him while Naruto impaled himself with my girth.

“Sas-sasuke, I-I can’t—”

It was at this point that I pumped him harder, and it was at this point that Naruto came, blotches staining the couch.  His ass clenched down on me and I gave one last erratic thrust before I came as well, into his ass.

Naruto fell forward completely, and I followed as we crashed onto the couch.  Slowly, I pulled my cock out of Naruto and swayed dangerously as I stood up.  My head spun, and I felt close to falling onto the ground.

With whatever little strength I had left, I made my way back into my bedroom and passed out on my bed, not caring in the least that I was dirtying my sheets.

And though I shifted over in my bed to allow room for Naruto, he never came in to join me.

oooOOooo

It had been months since I last saw Naruto.  He had left my apartment while I was knocked out in my room and had never bothered to give a formal goodbye.  Not that it mattered; our last fuck was enough of a goodbye.

After Naruto left, I was out of it for a couple weeks, continuing my anti-social life and doing paperwork on Friday nights.  However, a couple of coworkers invited me out to drinks one night, and I didn’t refuse.  They seemed surprised, but happy that I had obliged.

I heard nothing from or about Naruto; there were no updates on his life, and I was sure no one was updating him about my life either.  For a while I considered going online to find him through a social networking site.  But something in my subconscious kept me away from it, kept me away from becoming obsessed with his life from afar.

After all, Naruto had gone back to his ex-girlfriend.

I was angry with it all.  I was angry with the way things turned out.  But I couldn’t completely blame Naruto.  I had pushed him away, denied my own chance at something with Naruto when I found out about his ex.

In the end, Naruto and I had just both denied our chance at happiness with one another.

And that was the simple fact that hurt me the most.


End file.
